Friends - Season 11
by HoloUser
Summary: Follow on from season 10. The spin off Joey is not counted as canon in this.
1. The One With The Move

The One with the Move

_Scene opens in Ross's apartment. The next day, Rachel wakes up and nudges Ross awake as they both stand up._

Ross: Morning.

Rachel: Morning. Y'know, my dad is going to kill me for not taking that job in Paris.

Ross: Rachel, now that we're together again, do you reckon we should move into a bigger apartment.

Rachel: Oh my god, what about Chandler and Monica's old apartment, that's been our hangout for years!

Ross: You sure?

Rachel: Positive.

Ross: I'll go see Tregger.

_Ross puts on a jumper and kisses deeply then Ross exits._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Joey's apartment. Joey is playing with Chick and Duck Jr._

Joey: And Chick Jr. wins. You lose duck, sorry.

_There is a knock on the door. Ross enters._

Ross: Joey, me and Rachel are moving ne- Is that dog food in your birds feeding bowl?

Joey: It's dog food? Uh oh. And you're moving where?

Ross: Next door.

Joey: Yay, we can have campfires.

_Joey runs into the kitchen quickly. Ross walks to his new apartment._

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's new apartment. Rachel and Ross are laying they're furniture out._

Rachel: I'm sorry but how do you accidentally set fire to a bed.

Ross: Mind of a Tribbiani. By the way, I need to get furniture from pottery barn.

_Phoebe and Mike enter._

Phoebe: Don't you dare shop at pottery barn! Or I will hurt you.

Mike: Phoebe, calm down please. It's their choice.

Phoebe: Yeah, ok. If only Joey burned pottery barn instead of his bed, which was NOT pottery barn.

Mike: Calm down, It's just pregnancy hormones.

_Ross and Rachel look at Phoebe in shock._

Rachel: YOU'RE PREGNANT?

Phoebe: You promised you wouldn't tell!

_Mike runs out the door. Phoebe goes after him._

Ross: Speaking of children, we left Emma at the old apartment.

Rachel: ROSS!

_Ross runs out followed by Rachel._

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are on the couch, Mike and Phoebe share the arm chair, Ross and Rachel are on the end chairs._

Ross: Emma's at my parent's house while we start settling into our new apartment.

Monica: Awh, I was going to set her on a play date with Jack and Erica.

Ross: Let me guess, you organised it.

Chandler: Ross, she probably organises for Santa Claus.

Monica: I should do.

Chandler: Why don't you organise money to bail Joey out of prison?

Phoebe: Well it serves him right for not burning pottery barn.

Mike: Phoebe, why don't you go and play smelly cat.

Phoebe: Ok.

_Mike and Phoebe kiss briefly. Phoebe goes to the stage and picks her guitar up._

Phoebe: Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?  
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...  
They won't take you to the vet.  
You're obviously not their favourite pet.  
You may not be a bed of roses,  
And you're no friend to those with noses. I promise you when we're done  
all the world will smell as one  
Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?  
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!

_Everybody in the coffee house claps._

Rachel: Well I am going to bail Joey.

_Rachel exits._

Chandler: You know you should all buy computers.

Monica: Why?

Chandler: Because Microsoft 2003 has just been released and Microsoft excel can really help you organise stuff. And Ross you can sort out your class scores out and Phoebe and Mike can organise music gigs and more. Need I say more?

Monica: At the computer shop, yes.

_Scene ends and opens in the computer store where Ross, Chandler, Phoebe, Mike and Monica are looking at computers._

Chandler: I recommend this one for you Monica.

Monica: Do I look like a nerd?

Chandler: No, you look like a dork.

_Monica slaps Chandler._

Phoebe: I want this one.

Mike: That is way too expensive.

Phoebe: I WANT IT!

Mike: Ok, if you can find the money you can get it.

Phoebe: I want it, I want it.

_Phoebe starts to hit Mike._

Ross: How about this one for me?

Chandler: Wise choice, Ross.

_Ross takes the box of the shelf._

Ross: You're the computer geek.

Chandler: Well I'm no Mark Zuckerberg.

Monica: Facebook, ugh. I told you that is for losers.

Ross: Oh so you're on it Monica?

Chandler: Oi Ross, I do sarcasm, you do not.

Ross: At least my sarcasm is good.

Chandler: At least I don't live in the Stone Age without computers.

Ross: Actually, The Stone Age was thousands of years ago.

Chandler: Oh what was that, I was too bored too listen to anoth-

_Monica slaps them both round the head._

Monica: Husband, Brother, SHUT UP.

Chandler and Ross: Oww.

_Rachel and Joey enter._

Mike: Joey, you're out!

Joey: Unfortunately, saw some girl in there and was literally like "Hey, how you doin'". Oh a computer for me Ross, Thanks.

Ross: Joey, I need to pay for that.

Joey: Oh ok.

_Ross goes to pay. Joey follows him._

Checkout girl: Alright that will be $699

Ross: Okay.

_She gives the box to Ross who gets taken off by Joey._

Ross: Joey!

Joey: Oh sorry, Thank you.

_Scene ends and opens at Rachel and Ross's apartment. They're both sitting on the sofa._

Ross: What were mommy and daddy on?

Emma: A bweak.

Ross: That's right.

Rachel: I can hear you.

_The power goes off. Joey enters._

Joey: Uh oh, help!

Ross and Rachel: JOEY!

Ross: Tregger is going to be mad at you.

Joey: Ross, a triggers not going to be mad at me.

Ross: IT'S TREGGER, NOT TRIGGER.

Joey: Chill your beans Ross.

_The power turns back on._

Ross: Joey, come outside with me a minute.

_Ross and Joey go in the corridor._

Ross: Joey, your stupidity is getting in the way off mine and Rachel's lives.

Joey: I'm getting in the way of your livers?

Ross: JOEY!

Joey: Right, sorry.

Ross: Listen Joey, if you can't live on your own then I'm going to have to ask Tregger to move you into someone else's apartment.

Joey: I'll move into Chandler's house.

Ross: No!

Joey: Why not? I have my own room there.

Ross: They have twin children who aren't even 6 months old yet.

Joey: So? I can look after children.

Ross: What about your birds? If you move into Chandler and Monica's house, there's no way they'll let Duck and Chic Jr. near Jack and Erica.

Joey: Why not?

Ross: You really wanna ask that?

Joey: Well where can I move?

Ross: Err.

Joey: Oh, how about Joey's apartment.

Ross: You are Joey!

Joey: Well, how about your apartment.

Ross: Er. Err. Errr. Ok! Get your stuff.

Joey: Yay!

_Scene ends and opens in Rachel and Ross's apartment._

Ross: Joey's moving in.

Rachel: WHAT? HE CAN'T MOVE IN HERE.

Ross: Why not?

Rachel: He brings girls home. He'll encourage Emma to be a stripper.

Ross: You're the one who sings Baby got Back to her.

Rachel: You're the one who got her hooked on that!

Ross: Even?

Rachel: Even!

_Joey enters and put the bird cages on the floor._

Duck Jr: Quack.

Joey: Awh, isn't he cute.

Ross: Totally.

Joey: I'm going to get my recliner and computer.

Ross: I'm going to note Tregger of this.

Rachel: No Ross, I'll go.

_Rachel and Joey leave. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the sofa. Monica and Chandler are sharing the the arm chair and Joey is sitting on the end chair._

Monica: Where's Phoebe?

Rachel: Probably at the pregnancy clinic.

Monica: SHE'S PREGNANT? OH MY GOD!

Rachel: Uh oh.

Joey: Hey guys, we should give our apartment a name.

Ross: Like what?

Joey: Well I was thini-

Rachel: Not sex.

Joey: Well I was going to say Bird Apartment.

Rachel and Ross: No!

Ross: How about Dino Apartment.

Chandler: Sorry, Ross was so boring, I accidentally fell asleep.

_Monica slaps Chandler._

Monica: In no offence Ross, you are boring. Anyway let Rachel put a suggestion in.

Rachel: Meh, it's probably going to end up being some sort of animal apartment, so Dino Apartment.

Joey: What about Bird Apartment?

Rachel: Seeming "Bird" is another term for girl, no. Anyway, Ross is my boyfriend.

_Ross and Rachel kiss deeply._

Monica: So, how's your new computer?

Rachel: Haven't used it.

Ross: Alright.

Joey: You mean my new computer?

Ross: I bought it. You took it off me.

Rachel: And one of Joey's conditions of living with us is he lets us use the computer too.

Joey: Yeah whatever. Anyway I found an audition online.

Chandler: What's the part?

Joey: To play the 9th Doctor Who.

Chandler: Awesome! I used to watch that!

Ross: Same.

Monica: Well I think it's geeky.

Ross: WHY?

Monica: Because they have all got British accents. And they kept changing the main character.

Chandler: It's called regeneration.

Monica: Yeah, whatever.

Ross: So it's confirmed? Dino Apartment.

Joey: Unfortunately.

Rachel: Joey, isn't doctor who British.

Joey: Yeah, that is why I got us all tickets to go to Britain.

Chandler: When?

Joey: For next week.

Ross: London? Let's hope Monica don't go looking for Joey again. And hook up with the wrong guy.

Joey: Oh yeah, I forgot she was actually looking for me.

Monica: Ross! Anyway I'm glad Chandler was there. All Joey would've done is say "Hey, how you doin'".

Joey: Woah, I say more than that.

_Phoebe and Mike enter._

Monica: Phoebe! How did it go?

Phoebe: Oh so Rachel told you?

Monica: Yes.

Mike: Well. There's a problem.

Ross: What is it?

Phoebe: They said it was positive:

Everyone: Congratulations!

Mike: And negative.

Everyone: What?!

Rachel: Oh my god, Pheebs, what happened?

Phoebe: Well they said I'm positive and negative.

Monica: Oh my god.

Mike: We're going to take more pregnancy tests and see what happens.

Chandler: Hey guys, look at my new mobile phone.

Ross: Wow cool.

Rachel: Also Joey, sorry but we're having Ben over tomorrow. If you can just stay in your room please.

Joey: Can I bring a girl over please.

Ross: Joey, our walls are not soundproof. I don't want Ben hearing you.

Rachel: And it's his first time with Emma.

Joey: I can look after Ben.

Ross: You once lost him on a bus.

Joey: Me and Chandler were on a break.

Ross: Very funny, Joey.

Joey: Anyway, he's like 15 now.

Ross: He's 10.

Joey: Oh.

Monica: Wait, you only have two rooms. How does Joey fit in?

Rachel: Me and Ross share a room. Joey will share a room with however many girls he picks up while he is living with is us.

Joey: How many do you think? I'm thinking fifty.

Ross: My IQ is decreasing the more I listen to Joey.

Chandler: Ross, I'm not sure you should be a teacher anymore.

Ross: Thank you for your kind opinion, Chandler.

_Gunther walks over._

Gunther: Would anyone like a muffin.

Monica: I will.

Gunther: Would you like to attempt the Tribbiani challenge.

Joey: They have a challenge named after me?

Monica: What do you do in it?

Gunther: Try and eat a dozen muffins in 100 seconds.

Joey: I'll try!

Gunther: Please follow me.

_Gunther and Joey exit. End credits roll._

**Credits Scene.**

_Scene opens in Dino Apartment. Joey is lying on the sofa with Rachel and Ross trying to move him._

Ross: Twelve muffins in 97 seconds.

Rachel: How.

Joey: I think I'm full. Can you push the sofa to my room.

_Rachel and Ross glare at Joey._

Joey: Anybody.

_Ross and Rachel exit to their room._

Joey: ANYONE?!


	2. The One With The Wrong Flight

The One with the Wrong Flight

_Scene opens in Mike and Phoebe's bedroom. Mike nudges Phoebe awake._

Mike: Wake up Honey.

Phoebe: What's the point? I already missed a trip to London and now Cardiff.

Mike: We'll work something out. I promise.

Phoebe: NO, I am going to Cardiff and no Fetus is going to stop me.

Mike: Well we have no tickets.

Phoebe: Well get some.

Mike: Okay, I'll drive out to the airport but they might all be sold out so no promises.

_Phoebe throws a pillow at him._

Phoebe: You better get them. I hardly go to England.

Mike: Cardiff is in Wales?

_Mike walks out to get a cab._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens at the airport. Joey, Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Ross are sitting down at the bench._

Joey: I can't wait! I already was Dr. Drake Ramoray, now I can be Dr. Who.

Chandler: Yeah cause a time travelling spaceman really has time to work in a hospital.

Joey: Hey! The nurses look really fit, why wouldn't he go there.

Monica: I bet Chandler wants me to be a nurse.

Chandler: One word. No.

Monica: Why not? I could be a nurse!

Chandler: What about CPR?

Monica: I get your point.

_Phoebe and Mike enter._

Rachel: Since when were you two coming?

Mike: Since I got tickets this morning.

Phoebe: I'm finally going to England.

Ross: Cardiff is in Wales?

Mike: Don't, just don't.

Airport Staff: To go to your flight to Great Britain, please make your way to the plane now.

Joey: That's us.

_They all go to the plane. Scene ends and opens on the plane. Joey, Chandler and Monica are sitting in one row with Ross and Rachel in front and Phoebe and Mike behind._

Joey: Here we go.

Chandler: Yep.

Joey: I should have taken pilot lessons otherwise I can't fly the TARDIS.

Chandler: I don't think you actually fly it, Joe.

Monica: Geeks.

Joey, Chandler and Ross: Oi.

Monica: Oh so I'm against all three of you?

Chandler: Apparently the Fish and Chips in Britain are really good.

Rachel: Yeah big deal. Last time I came to Britain Ross said my name at the altar.

Ross: By accident.

Rachel: Well why did you want to marry her anyway?

Ross: Because we were on a break.

Rachel: Ugh, I'm sick of you always saying that and teaching Emma now, next thing she'll be teaching Jack and Erica that.

Ross: You're the one who said we're on a break!

Phoebe: Ross, shut up. I'm trying to get to sleep.

Rachel: Yes Ross. Do shut up. We're through!

_Rachel walks off._

Ross: Rachel, please!

_Ross walks after._

Monica: I gotta sort this out.

_Monica walks after. Chandler follows._

Joey: Where's everyone gone?

_Air stewardess comes._

Joey: Hey, how you doin'.

_Scene ends and opens in the plane corridor._

Ross: Rachel!

Rachel: SHUT UP ROSS.

Ross: Rachel, just listen!

Rachel: Why?!

Ross: Remember when you came to my door?

Rachel: Yes, last week.

Ross: I said I would not let you go again.

Rachel: Then let's not do this.

Ross: You sure?

Rachel: Yes.

_They kiss deeply. Monica and Chandler enter._

Monica: We need to sort this out. You can't keep doing this.

Ross: Err, Mon. We sorted it out.

Monica: Awh, I had a color-coded plan on how you two would get back together.

Rachel: Really?

Monica: Yes.

Chandler: Why color-coded?

Monica: Husband, shut up.

_They all go back to their seats. Scene ends and opens in the airport. The gang are all standing in a row._

Mike: Why does that sign say "Welcome to London"?

Phoebe: We're in London? Yay! Finally.

Joey: But the audition is meant to be in Cardiff!

Chandler: Actually, remembering what happened, the man said to Great Britain, no particular city.

Monica: Stupid airports.

Ross: How about we go back to America.

Joey: Yeah, London freaks me out.

Monica: No! Me and Chandler want to go back to where we first got together.

_Everybody looks at Monica._

Monica: What?

Joey: Is that a hot dog stand.

Monica: I'll go find a hotel.

_Scene ends and opens at the stand._

_Joey is at the front of the queue._

Joey: Can I have a ho-

Man: I know what you want. Just sign here.

_Joey signs the paper and films the form._

Man: Show me some ID.

_Joey shows._

Man: There in the van.

_Joey gets in the van when it drives off. Scene ends and opens in a hotel room. Monica is sitting on the bed with Chandler. Chandlers phone rings._

Chandler: Hello?

Chandler: How did they rip you off?

Chandler: Ok, I'll tell Monica.

_Chandler puts his phone away._

Monica: What happened?

Chandler: Joey accidentally joined the army.

Monica: WHAT? WHERE IS HE?

Chandler: At some fort.

_Ross enters._

Ross: What happened?

Chandler: Joey joined the army.

Ross: Oh my god.

Monica: We have to see a lawyer.

Chandler: Why? Joey's Joey. He'll be fine.

Monica: He won't have Huggsy. And there are strict orders!

Chandler: Oh my god that poor man.

Ross: Are you saying we've been here half an hour and have already lost Joey.

_Rachel comes in._

Rachel: We lost Joey? Where?

Ross: He joined the army.

_Mike and Phoebe enter._

Phoebe: Who joined the army?

Rachel: Joey.

Mike: That idiot.

Monica: Right, I'm going to go and call a lawyer.

_Scene ends and opens at the lawyers office._

Lawyer: So you're saying your friend accidentally joined the army?

Ross: Yes.

Lawyer: How does that work?

Monica: He thought it was a hot dog stand.

Lawyer: Hopefully it will comfort you knowing there are no hot dogs in the army.

Monica: Yes, we knew that.

Lawyer: Did your friend know?

Ross: No.

Lawyer: I would go over there and help you but in this country there is such thing as a contract. Your friend signed a 2 week contract confirming that he would be in the army. Then there is the problem of him maybe officially being a British citizen so would need to get a new passport.

Monica: Oh

Ross: Well, at least he'll be free in two weeks time.

Monica: What if he signs on to another contract.

Lawyer: Then he will be stuck in the army.

_Monica looks at the lawyer._

Monica: Shut up

Ross: Monica, I think you should calm down. This is Joey we're talking about.

Monica: Well Joey is always hooking up with girls, set fire to his bed, turned the power off the entire apartment and more.

Lawyer: Wait, he's that much of a dimwit?

Monica: Yes.

Lawyer: Hm

_Scene changes to Phoebe and Mike's hotel room. Phoebe is looking at a pregnancy test._

Mike: What does it say?

Phoebe: I would rather keep it a secret.

Mike: Well, someone's going to notice in nine months if you have a baby or not.

Phoebe: I've already had triplets Mike. You know that.

Mike: Just tell me Phoebe.

Phoebe: Why?

Mike: Because I'm the father if it is positive.

Phoebe: How can you be sure?

Mike: Are you saying you slept with other men?

Phoebe: No, I'm just saying you can't be so sure it's yours.

Mike: You spoke like it was positive then!

Phoebe: WHAT? No I didn't.

Mike: Tell me the truth Pheebs.

Phoebe: Ok It's –

_The phone rings. Mike picks it up._

Mike: Joey?

Mike: You're going AWOL with a girl you've known ten minutes?

Mike: Come back to the hotel Joey.

Mike: Okay. Bye.

_Mike puts the phone down._

Phoebe: Let me guess. Joey is coming back with a girl.

Mike: Correct. But is it positive or negative.

Phoebe: It's –

_Joey and a Korean tall long dark haired model enter._

Joey: Heyy, how you doin.

Mike: JOEY! STOP INTERUPTING.

Joey: Sorry, anyway this is my new girlfriend Kerry.

Phoebe: Nice to meet you.

Kerry: Hii.

Joey: I need to go home quickly!

Mike: Well, Monica and Ross are at the lawyers.

Kerry: Joey, I got the passports.

Joey: Oh cool.

_They kiss quickly. Then leave. Scene ends and changes to the London tube._

Monica: Joey just called. He said he's on the next flight to New York.

Ross: What? He's an idiot.

Monica: We should call Rachel and Chandler.

Ross: What about Phoebe and Mike?

Monica: They're already on the flight.

Ross: Okay.

_Scene ends and opens in a museum with Rachel and Chandler._

Chandler: Well this is fun.

Rachel: Tell me about it.

_Chandler's phone goes._

Chandler: Okay.

Chandler: Okay.

Chandler: Okay, I'll meet you at the airport. Bye honey.

Chandler: Joey's on the plane. Let's go.

_Scene ends and opens in Dino Apartment. Kerry is moving into Joey's bedroom. Ross and Rachel are pampering Emma. Joey is preparing a new recliner for Kerry._

Kerry: Thanks for letting me move in here guys.

Rachel: No problem.

Ross: So what do you do?

Kerry: Oh I'm a model.

Ross: Ooo

Rachel: Shut up Ross. And Kerry, want me to set up an account on our computer for you.

Kerry: Yes please.

_Scene closes and opens at Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are on the sofa. Phoebe and Mike are on the arm chair and Joey is on the end chair with Kerry._

Kerry: Wow this place is so cool.

_Agreements are replied to her._

Kerry: Is Gunther hiring anyone?

Ross: You have to go up and ask him.

_She kisses Joey quickly._

Mike: Not bad for someone you find in the army, Joey.

Phoebe: Mike!

Ross: Oh yeah, was your pregnancy test positive?

Mike: It wa-

Joey: A HOT DOG STAND

Everyone: JOEY!

Joey: What?

Rachel: Last time you went to a hot dog stand you ended up in the army. You are now being looked for in Britain.

Joey: Good job I put my home as Italy.

_End credits roll._

_Credits Scene_

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is painting the wall._

Monica: Please get a bit off that paint wrong!

Chandler: No.

Monica: Why?

Chandler: Because then I have to paint it again.

Monica: But I need something to clean!

Chandler: Ok here's the paint brush.

_Chandler walks off._

Monica: But I don't know how to paint!

Chandler: Don't care.

Monica: CHANDLER!


End file.
